Who to ask for
Ask for references from the last two or three families the nanny worked for. Recent is better. A family from eight years ago knew a different person, doing a different job.
You want the parents who hired and paid them, not a friend, a neighbor or a coworker. A friend can vouch for character. Only an employer can tell you how someone works when nobody is watching.
If a candidate can’t give you a recent family, ask why. There may be a good reason, such as a first nanny job after years in a daycare. In that case, ask for the director or lead teacher who supervised them directly.
Check the reference is real
Fake references aren’t common, but they happen, and they’re easy to rule out.
Make the call yourself. Don’t rely on a text exchange or a written letter. A real conversation is harder to fake. If the reference is a business, like a daycare or an agency, look up its number and call the main line.
Check the dates. Before the call, write down the dates, the children’s ages and the hours the candidate gave you. Ask the reference to tell you those things without prompting. If the details don’t match, ask the candidate about it.
Notice anything odd. A reference who can’t remember the kids’ ages, gets the dates badly wrong, or sounds rehearsed is worth a second look.
A script that gets past “she was great”
Open by saying who you are, that the candidate gave you their name, and that the call will take about 15 minutes. Then ask about real situations, not opinions. “Tell me about a time…” gets a far better answer than “Were they good with discipline?”
How long did they work for you, what were the hours, and how old were your children? This confirms the basics and gives you context for everything else.
How reliable were they? How often were they late or out sick, and how did they let you know? Everyone gets sick. What you want is early notice and a pattern you could plan around.
Tell me about a hard moment, like an injury, a meltdown or an emergency. What did they do? You’re listening for calm, good judgment and honest reporting afterward.
How did they handle discipline? Can you give me an example? Words like “redirect” and “consistent” mean more with a real story attached.
How did they communicate with you? Did they raise problems early? Small issues mentioned early beat big ones discovered late.
Is there anything you wish they’d done differently? Everyone has something. A reference who names a small, specific thing is usually being honest.
Why did the job end? Ordinary answers include the kids starting school, a move or a change in hours. Listen for anything that sounds sudden or unexplained.
Would you hire them again for the same role? Save this for last. Then stop talking and wait for the answer.
How to listen
Most references want to be kind, and few will say something negative outright. The signal is often in how they answer, not what they say.
Hesitation. A pause before “would you hire them again,” followed by “well, it depends,” tells you a lot. Ask gently: “Depends on what?”
Vague praise. “She was great, the kids loved her” is nice, but it isn’t information. Ask for an example. Real experience comes with details. If none come, the reference may not know the nanny well.
Praise for the wrong thing. Notice when someone praises something minor and skips what you asked. “She was always very tidy,” in reply to a question about reliability, is an answer of its own.
Take notes during each call. After two or three conversations, the details start to blur.
Red flags
Take these seriously: a reference who won’t confirm basic facts like dates; a job that ended suddenly with no clear reason; references who describe very different people; a “yes” to hiring again that comes with conditions, like “for part-time” or “if the kids were older”; and a candidate who seems reluctant to let you contact a recent employer.
If a reference mentions a concern about safety, honesty or how the nanny treated the children, even in passing, stop and follow it up. Don’t talk yourself out of it because the interview went well.
How many to call, and what to do with mixed reviews
Call at least two families, and three if you can. One glowing reference could be a friend doing a favor. Two or three that tell the same story, in their own words, are hard to fake.
Mixed reviews are normal. A nanny who suited a family with a newborn may have struggled with a busy four-year-old. Ask yourself whether the concern is about fit or about safety.
Fit concerns are worth raising with the candidate. Ask them directly what happened in that job and see whether their account lines up with what you heard. People who can talk honestly about a job that wasn’t a good match often make thoughtful employees.
Safety and honesty concerns are different. One clear concern from a credible reference is enough reason to keep looking.
A good reference call sits alongside an interview, a background check with the nanny’s written consent, and a paid trial day. No single step tells you everything.